No man is an island – Surviving an abusive boss 2(4)

At the beginning of my career I had an abusive boss. He was very clever, knowledgeable man, but at the same time lazy and ready to do anything to avoid work. I was his assistant, basically doing all his work, but in the end, he would put his signature on everything – this way, my boss’ boss and the CEO of the company never really knew who was doing all the work.

At that time, I was working very hard in traditional male oriented surroundings. I felt as if I was not being acknowledged or appreciated by management. I also must mention that my boss was earning three times more than I was.

Suddenly, my boss decided to take his life in a different direction. He didn’t want to stay with the same company and dreamed about starting his own business. So, he decided to take a long sick leave. Regardless of his absence, things in our department functioned splendidly. Everything was in place and done on time. The CEO would approach me, surprised. “How is it that everything is functioning so well?” he’d ask. “Your boss is not here!”

I asked him for a meeting and explained what went on for the last two years. He was shocked and sad. He was a decent person who, above all, respected hard work. I was immediately promoted – I got a higher pay and became a manager.

One would wonder – why did I stay there and endure that kind of behavior?
The answer is simple: colleagues
I had the most amazing, great colleagues and super nice work atmosphere. Our boss’ behavior probably just brought us closer. We had amazing lunch breaks.  We were making coffee together. We would secretly come in at work during the weekend, to cover for the ones who didn’t manage to finish their tasks. Once, we even had some shots very early in the morning, hiding in the kitchen, because one of our colleagues got a baby! Oh yes, sometimes we would organize after work parties too!

I could ask my colleagues for help or support. Whatever I needed.

After some time, I asked the CEO for an assistant. I was allowed to elect one by myself. I was blessed to find the most amazing person that, to this day, is one of my best friends – almost 20 years later, separated by different countries, with memories of our business collaboration slowly fading away.

Indeed, who would want to leave such a great environment?

Actually, I am pretty grateful for the experience I had with my ex-boss. In many ways, I liked him – he was clever, charming (they always are) and a good teacher. And I think that he was better off later in life, having his own business and learning his own lessons.

I, on the other side, became stronger, wiser and got myself friends for life.

/ Ines Basta, Coach TENTIO

No man is an island – You should never eat your lunch alone 1(4)
No man is an island – Surviving an abusive boss 2(4)
No man is an island – Would you like to have a best friend at work? 3(4)
No man is an island – Should I really show my “vulnerability” at work? 4(4)

Published 1 year ago by Ines Basta

No man is an island – You should never eat your lunch alone 1(4)

The phrase ‘no man is an island’ expressed the idea that human beings do badly when isolated from others and need to be part of community in order to thrive. This is a quotation from the English metaphysical poet John Donne (1572-1631).

Many years later, Keith Ferrazzi wrote the New York Times bestselling book Never Eat Alone where, among other things, he mentioned the quote from Meg Wheatley: “Relationships are all there is.

Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can do it alone.” Keith emphasizes throughout his book how important relationships really are: “To achieve your goals in life, I realized, it matters less how smart you are, how much innate talent you’re born with, or even, most eye-opening to me, where you came from and how much you started out with. Sure, all these are important, but they mean little if you don’t understand one thing: You can’t get there alone. In fact, you can’t get very far at all.”

I have been working in different setups for many years. Sometimes I was a team leader, other times department manager – I might as well be a regular employee. Wherever I moved, whatever I worked with I would always come to the same conclusion: I loved to go to my work if I was sitting in office where I connected with other people. They could be 25 years older than me (that was so funny! By the way – never underestimate knowledge and experience of seniors, they are extremely valuable. Not to mention their humor) or just finished college. Just by knowing that if I should come to work late or to a meeting with an important client – my colleagues would do everything to cover for me and make the person happy until I would arrive. Yes, I would sometimes oversleep the first part of the meeting, but hey, life happens.

Many full-time employees spend more of their waking hours with co-workers than they do with their spouses. With this in view, it becomes clear why it is very important for everyone to build quality relationships with their colleagues.

So, next time when your team member comes to your desk and wants to chat about their weekend or situation at work – try to listen, instead of replying quickly: “Glad to hear it, I need to go back to work”. If you get invited to lunch and you are just about to say: “Next time, I have such a tough deadline”, think again and accept the invitation. Declining is a step that pushes you away from building trustworthy relationships that will be rewarding for you and your colleagues, as well as for the company: it can improve your teamwork, employee morale and maximize employee retention rates.

It is just good for everyone – therefore, try to begin investing time, energy and effort into getting to know your colleagues better.

/ Ines Basta, Coach TENTIO

No man is an island – You should never eat your lunch alone 1(4)
No man is an island – Surviving an abusive boss 2(4)
No man is an island – Would you like to have a best friend at work? 3(4)
No man is an island – Should I really show my “vulnerability” at work? 4(4)

Published 1 year ago by Ines Basta

”May the force be with you!” Del 4(4)

Allt känns bara rätt. Du bara vet det. Det börjar med en känsla i magen, som sprider sig i hela kroppen ända ned till tårna. Sen tillbaka till magen och upp i huvudet. Det är som ett rus, en elektrisk stöt som går igenom hela kroppen. Du har funnit ditt ”varför”!

”Det har jag aldrig provat förut, så det klarar jag säkert. För hur skulle du veta om du aldrig försökt!”, sa Pippi Långstrump, tjejen som gör vad som faller henne in. Tänk om vi alla hade den inställningen till nya utmaningar. Våra tankar påverkar oss mer än vad vi tror, och vi kan påverka våra tankar.

Kanske är just tankens kraft en av våra största resurser. Tror du att du kommer att misslyckas gör sig också kroppen och sinnet redo för att misslyckas. Om du längst inne inte tror på dig själv, kommer du inte att göra ditt bästa för att uppfylla dina drömmar. Att behålla sin kraft och att tänka på varför man gör det man gör är något vi alla behöver komma tillbaka till. Om du vill förstås?

När vet du att det är rätt då? Kan du bara gå på din magkänsla?

Magkänslan kan liknas vid en slags reflex som gör att vi slipper tänka, för stunden iallafall. Den är ursprungligen utvecklad för att vi ska kunna ta snabba beslut och undvika omedelbara faror. Idag kanske vi inte har samma livsviktiga ”nytta” av den, men för många spelar den en viktig roll. För att förstärka din magkänsla genom att du blir medveten om att nu kopplar jag på min magkänsla och varför jag reagerar som jag gör. Då har jag fyllt på med information, satt ord på min känsla. Då är den medveten.

Trots att du kanske inte alltid kan sätta ord på din känsla, tror jag att en emotionell vilja måste finnas någonstans i botten, en passion, som utgör din grund för ditt handlande, ditt varför.

” Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites YOU!”
(-Oprah Winfrey-)

Vill du veta mer kring detta eller någon av våra tjänster, hör av dig till mig.

Jenny Wigstein, coach & projektledare
TENTIO | www.tentio.se

Läs alla inlägg här:
”May the force be with you!” Del 1(4)
”May the force be with you!” Del 2(4)
”May the force be with you!” Del 3(4)
”May the force be with you!” Del 4(4)

Published 1 year ago by Jenny Wigstein

”May the force be with you!” Del 3(4)

Brukar du belöna ditt barn när hen gör något bra? För att han eller hon presterat?

Vissa hävdar att barns naturliga nyfikenhet och motivation minskar genom belöningar. Kan det vara likadant för vuxna?

Kenneth W Thomas, professor och författare till boken ”Intrinsic Motivation at Work”, har forskat kring hur vi vuxna påverkas av belöningar. Han talar om inre och yttre belöningar.

Vad menas då med inre och yttre belöningar/motivation? Oftast är den yttre motivationen knutet till ett resultat som kommer av att du utfört ett arbete. Belöningen är då t ex pengar, betyg, befordran och beröm men kan också vara något mer negativt som en varning eller i värsta fall bestraffning. När vi styrs av yttre motivation gör vi något för att det leder till något annat som är värdefullt eller något vi vill undvika, men som inte direkt är kopplat till själva aktiviteten.

När vi drivs av inre motivation gör vi något för att vi tycker att aktiviteten i sig ger tillfredsställelse. Inre motivation är den egna drivkraften, intresset och glädjen att göra aktiviteten.

Kenneth W Thomas har identifierat fyra inre motivationsfaktorer:
1. Meningsfullhet – att kunna bidra till något större
2. Val – att själv kunna välja hur jag löser en arbetsuppgift
3. Kompetens – du känner att du gör ett bra jobb och är stolt över det
4. Framsteg – det du gör leder till något som fungerar

Motivationen stärks och gör dig än mer engagerad om några bidragande faktorer finns på plats. Här kan du som ledare eller chef hjälpa till med de förutsättningar som kan frigöra potentialen och engagera dina medarbetare:
1. För att skapa meningsfullhet behövs en tydlig vision och att medarbetaren får mandat att ansvara för hela arbetsuppgiften
2. För att skapa känsla av val behöver medarbetaren få rätten att ta beslut och få tydliga mål
3. För att skapa en känsla av kompetens behövs positiv återkoppling och utmaning för medarbetaren
4. För att skapa en känsla av framsteg behövs tydliga delmål och feedback från t ex kund

Fundera över vad du motiveras av? Styrs du mest av inre- eller yttre motivationsfaktorer?

Vill du veta mer kring detta eller någon av våra tjänster, hör av dig till mig.

Jenny Wigstein, coach & projektledare
TENTIO | www.tentio.se

Läs alla inlägg här:
”May the force be with you!” Del 1(4)
”May the force be with you!” Del 2(4)
”May the force be with you!” Del 3(4)
”May the force be with you!” Del 4(4)

Published 1 year ago by Jenny Wigstein